Customer Reviews 
Just adding to the collection the swimsuit issue barely gets opened more than once any more. I'm just keeping up my collection, which goes back 40+ years....
HUBBA, HUBBA!!!! AAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOGAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOGAAAAA! PANT, PANT, PANT! [drools as Tongue rolls out of mouth] Whenever I pick up the yearly edition of SI's swimsuit magazine, my hands are always clammy and sweaty and shaking in pubescent, giddy anticipation; my pulse and heartbeat pound away at a million miles per second; my breathing's always belabored as it emerges in low, guttural rasps; my back, underarms and forehead are drenched in the sweat that only sweet, sweet stimulation can incur; and my whole body generally heaves up and down from excitability. But--and this is a BIG but--these symptoms are not from what you stereotypically may infer!!!! Contrary to what your dirty and immature mind may've presupposed, the aforementioned symptoms are NOT from lustfully anticipating the taut, oh-so tight and toned bodies of insecure swimsuit models with something to prove, bouncing off the pages of the magazine. They're also NOT from me drooling at the sight of curvaceous, silicone-infested women who are wh*ring themselves provocatively in their half-naked, scantily clad, low self-esteem!!!! Neither are they from the savage, animalistic overeagerness felt at the sight of the enticing female form, courtesy of the swimsuit models...regardless that they're all suffering from low self-opinion and thusly have something to prove by posing half-nude. Rest assured that my symptoms at picking up the 2008 edition of SI's magazine have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with any of this! No way, Jose!!!! However, the reason for my symptoms is very much rooted in reality, and that reality concerns itself with more ethical matters. Specifically, why does the 2008 SI swimsuit magazine market these women as brainless pieces of meat that exist only for the lustful hedonism of men (and maybe lesbians, too)?!?! As a sociologist who deeply cares about the direction of the country, I will damn both the immaturely indulgent men who succumb to their impurest, pubescent fantasies and the slu*ty vixen-women who willfully prostitute themselves as pieces of meat for a few, cheap dollars!!!! I'm also repulsed at the double-standards these skin-mags inflict on society: with their salacious poses, women are undoubtedly telling men it's "all right" to touch, yet as soon as a man makes a move, look out! It's sexual harassment allegation time! 2008's SI swimsuit magazine is unpalatable for many affronts involving female insecurity and low self-esteem, f*tish-flirtation, arrogant self-promotion, moral inconsistency, and on the lowest, most fundamental level, simply unattractive "women." In the case of f*tish-flirtation, there's no more glaring transgression than the section on body painting where an*rexic, fretfully skinny models Jessica Gomes, Quiana Grant, Marisa Miller, and Tori Prayer get swimsuits painted on by obviously screwed-up "artists," who are sexually frustrated that painting women's bodies is the closest they can get to actual sex!!!! In the arena of arrogant self-promotion, the already desperate-for-attention and ever-jealous sports stars' wives have it. Here, Jeff Gordon's wife, Jeff Garcia's wife, Johnny Damon's wife, and Carmello Anthony's fiancee--all overshadowed, obscure women who will never be as famous as their husbands and therefore are mired in eternal jealousy and desperation for attention!--pose in near-p*rnographic shots designed to get the wet dreams of teenagers going! Of course, liberal pop culture dictates that the interpretation here is these wives really are only "empowering" themselves and being good, true feminists by doing so, because all their shots are "tasteful." The husbands who are really letting their wives pimp themselves out for money are kidding themselves by pretending it's good for their sham-marriages that their wives str*p for money. In the arena of moral inconsistency, I will have to be especially hard (no pun intended!) on Danica Patrick for posing like a little, submissive sl*t. She's totally unpardonable for two, essential reasons. One, she actually is--believe it or not--Catholic though by her continuous misuse of her semi-attractive body over the years in magazine spreads, she misbehaves like a liberal atheist. However, it's with this SI spread that she totally crosses into beyond-the-pale territory. Her poses are totally suggestive and completely inconstant with the virtues preached in Catholicism; as punishment she should be denied the sacrament of Communion like every other lib-Catholic who gets out of line (like John Kerry in 2004). That aside, from a purely sexual standpoint, many of the "women" featured are just NOT attractive to begin with; maybe SI lowered the standard to the pubescent boy who would have his way with any woman. To make my case, I'll now rate--that's right, RATE--on a scale of ten most of the soulless and wh*rish "women" in this issue. Danica Patrick - 3 (face only a mother could love) Michelle Damon - 1 (junk in her trunk) Carmella Garcia - 2 (frumpy-looking and wide hips) La La Vasquez - 0 (plain jane) Ingrid Vandebosch - 4 (body-type of a little boy) Marisa Miller - -1 (rail-thin and freckle-infested) Will Ferrell - 5 (comedic-though-still-jackass-value makes him more tolerable) All NFL Cheerleaders - 2.5 (stereotype of blonde bimbos) The bottom line is SI's 2008 magazine is primarily good for two things and two things ONLY. One, masturbating material for men of all ages, but primarily pubescent and teen boys who are just awakening to raging hormones and the obsession with getting laid. And two, envy material for women of all ages who will imminently move towards the path of doing psychological damage to themselves by longingly trying to measure up to these unrealistic body images of an*rexic models.
SI Bikini Issue It's the SI Swimsuit Issue, what more can I say. Scantily clad, beautiful women in exotic locations. Why didn't I go to photography school when I had the chance?!
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